Lies We Told Ourselves
by jannikajade
Summary: One day it will become clear that they can’t be siblings or enemies or friends or anything but lovers. One day the love will work its way screaming, out of hiding, and their denial will have to end. Dasey. One Shot.


**Author's note:** Happy Saturday everyone. I know this isn't an update to Never Walked Away from the Things I wanted and I'm sorry. Its just, I was watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire slayer the other night, and I loved this quote and it just wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote a Dasey about it. Of course the phrase 'kills you both' is more literal in Buffy…but still. I had to. I love angst.  
So I really hope you guys like this little one shot.  
Quick side note- 935 fics in our section? Our little fandom is growing up so fast. I think when we reach 1,000 we should have a celebration :-P  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

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"_You're not friends, you'll never be friends. You'll love each other till it kills you both. You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains children, its blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."_

_BTVS, Spike_

_Lovers Walk-Season Three._

_

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_He is lord of the lies. His ability to deceive is legendary. Some peple might consider that much dishonesty a fault, but he's always been proud of it. He can convince anyone of anything and that has come in handy more times than he can remember. On the rare occasion he gets caught in a lie, no one really seems to mind. He's so charming, that people laugh it off and forgive him easily. Recently however, he has come to realize two very bad things about his dishonesty: one the person he lies to the most, is himself and two, almost all of those lies, are about her. 

He tells himself so many things about her and he repeats them so many times that these lies have become part of his everyday. When they were locked in the bathroom at their own party he told himself he was having a terrible time. When she came down to breakfast in her Bade Raider inspired outfit he told himself, very firmly, that it was **not** that hottest thing he'd ever seen. When he bought her a cell phone, he told himself that really, it was ok to be a nice guy sometimes. After all, she had saved his business, and he told himself he'd have done it for anyone.

He told himself that her dating his best friend bothered him because it was just weird- it would have bothered anyone. It fell under male code, best friends couldn't date step sisters, and he told himself he'd been perfectly reasonable. He told himself he had not been impressed, awed or amazed when she had started singing his song at battle of the bands. He told himself that things like asking out her best friend, stealing her clothes, making out with her cousin, interfering with all her dates and the constant pranks and fights, were all just part of their complicated step-sibling rivalry. He told himself that things like calling her father back and exposing Scott were just signs that maybe they were becoming friends.

He tells himself everyday, that she isn't cute when she's angry. He tells himself it means nothing that he has memorized every freckle on her skin (the parts of it he's seen anyway) or that he's become addicted to her scent. He tells himself he isn't grateful for the challenge she provides. He tells himself she isn't the smartest, sexiest, strongest girl he's ever known. He tells himself that guys like him, guys who can have their pick of any girl in school, don't fall for their step sisters.

He is a fantastic liar- the best really. So everyday Derek lies to himself and says he doesn't love Casey. He's so good that, some days he has himself almost convinced, and for a minute or two he can treat he like she is any other girl, but then it fades.

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She is always honest. People think of her as trustworthy and reliable, as someone who would never lie to them. She hates to lie, and she's terrible at it. On the rare occasion she does try and lie, she turns red and sputters and can't keep a straight face. Honesty has always served her well. She likes to be truthful and deal with things head on. Recently however, she has realized there is one thing she can't tell the truth about, not even to herself, especially not to herself-him.

She always finds herself pretending when he's involved. It's become part of her everyday, looking at him and ignoring real feelings while focusing on pretend ones. She likes to pretend there aren't moments, like during that shampoo fight on the bathroom floor(like during any fight they have really), that she doesn't wish he'd kiss her. She pretends that she is bothered by his womanizing, serial dating ways, because she is feminist; ignoring the fact that seeing him with another girl makes her want to throw up. She pretends to flinch when he throws a joking arm around her, ignoring the warmth that seeps through her entire body. She pretends to be annoyed with every bet, fight or prank, ignoring how any interaction with him makes her whole day brighter.

She pretends she hated wearing his shirt, ignoring how it made her feel safe. She pretends that when he flirts with Emily, it bothers her because, as a good friend she is concerned about Emily. She ignores the fact that when she watches them flirt, she's tempted to kill Emily-not him. She pretends she broke up with Sam because they fought so much, ignoring the part of her that knows how bored she'd been, and how wrong it had been to hold on just because it got to him. She knows this, but she always pretends not to see it. She pretends their growing consideration for each other is a sign they might be becoming friends, ignoring the way her stomach jumps when he does something unexpectedly sweet.

She pretends everyday that his trademark smirk doesn't make her knees go a little weak. She pretends to not find his purposely messy hair appealing. She pretends it means nothing she is always staring at his arms and thinking about being in them or closing her eyes and seeing his. She pretends she's not impressed by his quick witty comebacks during their fights. She pretends he's not in her dreams every night. She pretends that smart and logical girls like her can control who they fall for, and they never fall for their step brothers.

So maybe she's not so honest after all. Casey spends all day lying to herself, pretending she doesn't love Derek. And maybe she's not such a terrible liar because there are moments she almost believes it, and she can treat him like any other guy, but then it fades.

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It always fades and one day they'll crack. One day the love won't allow itself to be ignored anymore. One day they'll stop trying to deny their feelings long enough to look at each other and see that they are going through the same thing. One day they'll stop fighting with each other and start fight for each other. One day it will become clear that they can't be siblings or enemies or friends or anything but lovers. One day the love will work its way screaming, out of hiding, and their denial will have to end. Until that day Derek and Casey will keep telling themselves lie after lie, terrified of the truth, terrified of love.

"_Love, it's a funny thing,"_

_Spike BTVS_

_Lover's Walk- Season three. _

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_End._


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